literature

Love From Afar [Oikawa Tooru]

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Literature Text

She was in love with him.

 

She had been for years.

 

She was with him since childhood, and she had watched every moment that really mattered--the moments where there was no facade to conceal his emotions--the moments where the true emotions of Oikawa Tooru shown through.

 

For most of her life, [Name] was nothing but a background character, an unnoticeable and faceless person. She was always part of the shadows, gazing up high at the burning, and almost blinding sun in desperate hopes that a part of it would shine on her, and expose her to its warmth and light. In this case, the sun was Oikawa Tooru.

 

She recalled when they were in kindergarten; she was hiding behind the giant sand castle that she had built, and she was was observing the a group of loud boys that were causing a ruckus. They were playing pirates. When the small [Name] of that time caught sight of a small brunet, her innocent and big childish eyes had widened slightly. He was dressed in a lilac purple shirt, and dark green shorts that looked really hideous with the pretty shirt. His outfit was NOT cute, however, the boy was. His beige brown eyes were beaming with joy and he was laughing without a care in the world. He was cute, and looking at him made the five-years-old [Name]’s heart skipped a beat, and her cheeks to become pink.

 

That was the moment of her first crush.

 

From that point, unbeknownst to Oikawa Tooru, him and [Name] transitioned into the same primary school. Between them, nothing really happened. Oikawa and [Name] shared a few classes in some years, and as a npc, she watched him as he made new friends, and began to fall in love with his new profound passion -- volleyball. Endlessly, she wished she could befriend him and play with him. And that is all she did -- wish. Nothing really happened, except for that one event where he defended her from a group of bullies. He was the only one who stood up for her. Although, this was really by an accident, [Name] still held onto it.

 

After defending her, he had held his hand out to her, and gave her a very sweet smile. The burning sun that was blinding her, Oikawa’s big head shielded her eyes from its rays. That moment was a cliche out of a cheesy film; the sun acted as his soft backlighting which made him look angelic. [Name]’s eyes were wide, and a few dry tears stained her cheeks. A blush began to spread across her face, and she felt butterflies beginning to flutter in her stomach. Shyly, she grabbed his hand and he helped her up.

 

“I hope you’re okay,” He said, and he looked at her with worried eyes.

 

[Name] opened her mouth to reply, however before she could, one of Oikawa’s friends, called out to him from a distance.

 

“Uh, sorry I have to go! But don’t be afraid of anything, okay?” He said smiling, before he waved at her, and ran off.

 

His words engraved themselves deeply in [Name]’s heart, and without uttering a single word, she waved at him.

 

In that moment, [Name]’s heart skipped not one, but a few times. Her crush had manifested into a liking.


 

[Name] held onto the words that Oikawa had told her: don’t be afraid of anything. These words inspired her to be courageous and by the time junior high came around, she was determined to befriend him, and break out of her shy shell. She had signed up to become the manager of Kitagawa Daiichi’s boys volleyball team. The players were excited to have a cute girl manager, and were instantly befriending her. Amongst them, Oikawa also introduced himself to her, and it stung because he treated her as if that was the first time they had met. However, [Name] forced herself to get over it quickly, and focused on the present instead. She planned to give it her all. But unfortunately, life had other plans.

 

Due to the crisis in her personal life, she could barely attend any of her team’s practices and help them. Her presence was rare enough that they might as well have had no manager at all. However, she did successfully make it to some, and those practices were the moments she would never forget.

 

It was Oikawa Tooru. His facade was dropped and his publicity was stripped away. The moment was raw and filled with just so much. Sweat dripped from his forehead, as he was hunched over and leaning against his hands on his knees. He was breathing heavily, and his eyes were focused on one spot in so much concentration that they appeared to be lifeless. [Name]’s eyes widened, and her breath almost left her in amazement when Oikawa grabbed another ball, tossed it up high, and jumped to serve it really accurately. However, just as the brunet landed on his feet, he screamed out in pain, and fell to his knees. This snapped [Name] out of her trance, and she gasped in surprise, and rushed over to Oikawa’s fallen form in order to help him.

 

He cried out in pain and tried to pull away from [Name]’s grip. However, the [h/c] female kept a stern grip on him. She had one of his arms slung over her shoulders, and she had wrapped an arm around his waist in order to support his weight. However, Oikawa was much larger and heavier than her, so she found it to be extremely difficult to help him stand. That was until another person supported Oikawa’s other side, and they were much more stronger than [Name]. With their help, they manage to successfully share Oikawa’s weight, and help him up.

 

“Thanks,” [Name] said, and her eyes flickered to see that it was Iwaizumi Hajime who had helped her.

 

The male nodded at her in acknowledgement.

 

“I should be saying that to you,” He said bluntly, before his gaze shifted to Oikawa, who was silently crying. Iwaizumi felt his chest clench in a mixture of emotions. He felt remorse and sympathy for Oikawa but, his strongest emotion was anger.

 

“What the hell were you thinking?!” He barked, and his eyebrows furrowed in fury. He, and [Name] began to lead Oikawa outside the gym. The [h/c] female kept quiet and silently listened as Iwaizumi Hajime bellowed in anger at Oikawa’s idiocy out of concern for him.

 

He was caring, and [Name] noticed that for him to get away with screaming at Oikawa’s face, no matter how right he might’ve been, they had to be close.

 

It made her want to be that close to Oikawa too. However, on that day, the most important thing that [Name] learned was the type of person that Oikawa Tooru was. He was extremely passionate and obsessive. He had a dream, a big, big dream and it may have been out of reach. However, he held onto it tightly to the point where he was willing to ruin himself over it. And if it was one thing that [Name] knew, it was that the bigger they dream, the greater the disappointment they would feel upon failure. This was inevitable because everyone strived to achieve some sort of ambitions, no matter how small they were. The only variable that a person can control is how great the disappointment would be, and how it would impact them.

 

For someone as determined as Oikawa Tooru, who left little to no room for failure, who just poured and poured his entire being into one passion, there were two outcomes. Success would fulfill him, and failure would destroy him.

 

Unluckily, he was left to be nothing but a broken shell.

 

From a young age, [Name]’s mother drilled one very important lesson in her head. She told her, “you cannot play god. You can only truly help someone, if they first help themselves.

 

Oikawa’s road did not lead to recovery. It lead to self-destruction.

 

When Oikawa finally realized how [Name] felt for him, he approached her about it. His eyes were blank and yet they were filled with desperation. She read him like a book, and she knew that he had come to her in hopes to find a new light to obsess over. In this state of mind, he was not going to love her. He was going to destroy the both of them. He was nothing but a ticking time bomb.

 

“I’m sorry,” [Name] uttered, as she bowed, and tears were beginning to stream down her cheeks. “I love you but I can’t let you hurt me. I’m sorry Oikawa, but I can’t accept your feelings.”

Your daily dose of angst?? Lmao, tbh I have no idea what I have written. 

image source: www.pixiv.net/member_illust.ph…


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EunBiased's avatar
I'm crying. This angst is to much for me.